You can give up anything, but you cannot give up BELIEVING...

Keep your heart beating, Mine is. =)

2011-11-12T11:40:00.000+08:00

We come across alot of misfortunes everyday... so many more people who are more unfortunate than us. Feel fortunate we are still tearing while some others had no more tears already or feels nothing worth tearing anymore. Feel fortunate when our hearts are still beating while some can't anymore. Feel fortunate when your facebook still has people "like" and commenting on your status, showing you concern while some people were left unnoticed until they die. Feel fortunate when you still have a roof over your head no matter you are in a rented hostel or in a condo, while there are people sleeping on the streets with only newspapers over their head, *and it happened to rain now*.

Everyone has their bad times, its no wrong to feel upset and 'Emo'. It's ok to cry. Its normal to feel helpless. We ain't saints to always feel good about ourselves. But, keep your heart beating. How bad your time is, you know there are people around you to love you. I cannot assume for others, but as long as you are able to read this, you know there is another human here willing to show you some concern. Keep your heart beating to know there are still good things around. Keep your heart beating to know you will not give up. Keep your heart beating so you can keep other's heart beating.

There will always be solutions to problems as long as you are alive.

The strawberry me

2011-11-12T00:38:00.003+08:00

What is me?

Theres alot to say, but keep getting stuck in my head. My fingers are ready to type but stopped when I stared at the blank screen. When the words were flowing, I backspaced umpteen times cos, those words can't describe what I'm feeling or thinking right now.

I felt so wrapped up. when I try to peep through the thick wraps, so excited to get out, but gets tired struggling and settled in again...

*oh, I backspaced again* LOL

I used to be always laughing, laming, full of energy.. until once I told my friends, this is what I was carved out to be. Serious. Sensible. Rational. I didn't really understand how it came about.

Work had required me to think and weigh decisions. I have to plan, to do, to solve problems, project a professional image during training, and due to job nature.

And then to spend time at home when my brother's not around. I learnt to fix DVD players, fixed phone, fix computer, fix printer, scream at pple who try to take advantage of my father, running errands for my mother, taking care of two elderly who doesn't know how take care of themselves. When I also can't take care of myself. =/

I got to think of increasing allowances to give, my mother's savings account, my savings account, my school fees, my phone bills, mum's phone bills, plus (new) tv and internet bills.

I got to plan my time for work, study, music, friends and family.

There are so much to think, to plan, to consider, to ponder, to worry.

Friends thinks I'm too stress, colleagues thinks I'm tired, family thinks I'm getting more bad tempered. Guy thinks I'm too serious. Many thinks I'm getting emo.

Traits of a libra? Always wanting to balance all things. Be fair to all. I wanted to make everything well. Sometimes I'm proud of myself that I could actually do it!!

But sometimes, I also feel my shoulders getting heavy, my head getting heavy, my eyelids are also getting heavy. The current me, is a sour strawberry.

一次

2011-11-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

不管最后怎样，一定要让自己觉得没有留下遗憾。人生只有一次，一定要抓住对自己珍贵的东西！

strawberry

2011-11-10T00:35:00.001+08:00

So tired after 1 hour of vocal class plus 2 hours of practise.. Lazy to switch on my baby HP. Thank "Steve Jobs", we have iPhone!! Yay~ Anyway.. Just a short entry tonight...Sometimes in life, we tell a little white lie at the thought of other's well being. But what lie is considered "white"? What is the extent of it being a "white" lie?Well, no one likes to be lied to. Be it for their own good or your own selfishness. It is very unwise to break any trust between u n the one that matters to u most... I nv like to lie, but probably sometimes I hide the facts in my heart. That is, I would tell part of the true facts n leave what is better left unsaid, unsaid. Rather than telling you the opposite or what others wan to hear. (traits of libra again. Love justice too much) So, wanna clarify anything, come straight to this strawberry. ;)

How we wish things were simpler right?

2011-11-08T23:02:00.000+08:00

Never found it hard to put feelings into words, but it seemed to be the case when you grew older.

Because it is no longer just Sad, Happy, Angry anymore... Things like depressed, confused emotions, laugh while crying, cry while laughing, etc starts coming into your life. How we wish things were simpler right?

And since when, when we were created to have a pair of eyes to cry, we swallowed our tears back into our stomach. When we were created to have a mouth to shout out your pain, we contained the pain in our heart. When we were created to have a pair of ears to listen to facts, we covered our ears to avoid hearing them because it was too harsh. Why couldn't we cry out loud, shout out loud and face the music now? How we wish things were simpler right?

And then, people start to say, I cannot love you because he love you. I want to love you but I still love her. You cannot love me because I don't love you. You can love me, but I won't love you. Love then love lah~ How we wish things were simpler right?

Its difficult to remain simple. However, it is the beauty of human to be complicated, because we are able to think. The only ugliness of it, are when the thoughts became evil. Humans are born good..... Ironically, they became complicated, and at the same time, wished things were simpler...

That's life...

2011-11-08T00:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes looking back at myself, I ask, in what ways am I not contented with what I have? I'm about to complete my studies, I have just gotten a promotion, I have a great boss and a great colleague, I love singing and I'm given chance to perform, I have great friends around when I needed them the most, I have great parents, a great home which is the best and warm shelter from the storms out there. What do I lack?
When great things happen to you, someone would always be a wet blanket and get you down. That's life.

Getting myself into the smokes, had allowed me to look at things even clearer, that the world is not as great as what we thought. People back stabs you, they talk behind your back, they laugh at you for being a trusting fool, they take you like a toy to make them smile, and you are taken for granted.

Humans are not perfect. We always have what it takes to hurt someone. but under what circumstances would you do that and who? We are all innocent beings, who began this vicious cycle and why wouldnt it stop somewhere?

Come on, we are not world savers. It's not our job to tell everyone 'I'm nice to you, so you shall be nice to me.', 'life shouldn't be full of hatred, it should be full of love!', 'you should be forgiving and not inflict the same hurt on others', etc... I didn't know how it got into me, I hate the vicious cycle, but am always being dragged into it. Trying hard to convince people I'm real and true but always not believed or conveniently became the next prey. They don't take me as a world saver, they only treat me like a fool.. hahaha...so how is it that I can;t even save myself even as an innocent being?! and people will start saying, 'then don't be a fool anymore! otherwise u derserve that. If you can't fight them, join them!!!'

and so to think of it, ain't it nice to be a fool? Then every fool would be nice to every fool... Aint it tired to keep taking revenges? aint it tired to keep wearing a mask? don't people hope to get a good normal life? Well, a reason could be, being selfish fulfils your own desires, why care about others?

True... caring too much for others, made us get entwined into the vicious cycle. so, its a pain to care?
Caring being in an unseen form, is as painful as slicing a piece off you? Why not, exchanging a little part of us and let us be completed again? Again, selfishness - "I get alittle from you, its mine, don't wish I'll give u what I have.", and so the other one will remain painful and bleeding till some other is willing to replace the missing part of them or they will get from someone else, and so on.

People, it doesnt hurt to show a little kindness. Use your heart to feel the goodness, have a bigger heart to forgive the bad. Life gets on, you won't be dead because you feels hurts. As long as your heart is beating, you will feel the goodness again. Don't let the pain follow you through. you don't deserve to be hurt, neither do the rest. Since we aint the world saver, we have no rights to be the destroyers as well..

Having said much, would it bring any difference? I really hoped so. Cos' im also one of those waiting for that missing piece to be brought back to me.

over

2011-08-26T02:23:00.001+08:00

Whatever good things that happened are over... My life seemed to have changed but actually it has never.. My life will never change for anyone, it would only welcome another whole life. Till then, it would just be... My life...

一了百了

2011-07-28T13:12:00.000+08:00

一了百了 - 信乐团

一辈子两个人在一起

你说要加个或许

不是你不喜欢甜言和蜜语

只是你比较实际

两个人一辈子不分离

...你问我好在哪里

不是你不期待永恒的恋曲

你说最美的爱情叫做回应

为何连分手都不跟我争吵

撂下一句话就想逃跑

让我爱难平恨难消情难灭梦难了心难过

你却放手一了百了

离开我你说是为了我好

可知道这句话伤人不少

就算忘不了没有大不了

反正一切都不再重要

我的心既然你全都不了

何必再继续让彼此困扰

斩断纠缠的爱

从今就一了百了

..

2011-07-26T01:19:00.001+08:00

I thought things were better.. I thought it was no big deal.. I thought I wont remember... I just couldn't help it.. Where r u...

2011-07-24T14:47:00.000+08:00

Its hard not to think of the good things that happened between us.. no one could understand why you walked away so suddenly.. there was a sign, but i chose to tell myself, if I hold on, we could continue... a friend told me, "it's like that... we back off so we don't hurt...", but how could it not hurt.. and she says again,"we love ourselves more".. referring to herself and her type of people (Leos)..

What's haunting are those memories.. staying up till the wee hours just to wait for me to complete my assignments, chatting on the phone for hours till the next day, shared dreams, shared worries, played games, came all the way to my area just to chill for an hour, watched movies, went ktv, telling me u will accompany me if I asked, telling me you may come to watch my performances, always worried I wouldnt talk to you when I don't reply, telling me u were sorry for your temper..

and as I turned back to you, u walked away.. leaving nothing behind but heaps of those memories... its heavy to carry them alone, but how could I bear to let them go? Silly as I am, but I really miss you...

2011-07-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

"You can give up anything, but you cannot give up believing"

this quote was created by me, inspired people, and has always been my belief.

But, anyone wondered how much self-deception were created, how many lies were met, how many hopes were dashed and how many tears have been shed just because of this belief?

I'm tearing thinking back about the good times, hurting recalling your words, numbing thinking of the pain.

??

2011-07-17T04:21:00.001+08:00

Have u turned back?

放手

2011-07-15T22:13:00.001+08:00

放手对你对我都好, 可是谁知道我的心有多痛...

2011-07-11T10:50:00.000+08:00

"为什么受伤的总是我，到底我是做错了什么...." 一而再，再而三地被这样伤害，我不是铁人，我会很痛的。一开始说喜欢，然后说有苦衷。再和我说需要时间，然后躲我。到头来，我相信的，我等的，我守着的原来只是空气。是魔咒吗？故事桥段怎么都一模一样。半年内连两次经历一样的事情，是在开什么玩笑？！告诉我你曾经受伤，那为什么不抓住一个爱你的人。你说害怕，那为什么不抓住一个一直在你身边支持你的人，。说喜欢我，那为什么不懂得抓住我。。。我给你全部的自由，信心和力量，你却用尽所有力量伤害我。。我曾经紧紧抓住你，因为我不想错过一份真挚的感情，我不希望有遗憾。可是现在，我根本不知道什么是真的，什么是假的？到现在我都还放不了手，因为还是很希望有奇迹出现。你曾经对我的好，对我说过的话，我还记住。可是现在，你却义无反顾离开，带着所有联系，头也不回。不管你是喜欢，还是不喜欢，甚至你可能念着别人。或可能你自认为我好，这次，我还是伤得重重的。

hurt..

2011-07-08T23:36:00.001+08:00

I never say nevermind, cause I do mind..I never say whatever, cause I do care..I never try to pick battles, cause I'm afraid of losing..I never shout out loud, cause I don't wanna give pressure..I give u all the freedom, but hoping you will fall back on me..I give u all the confidence, but hoping you will work hard on it..I can give you the whole world, but hoping you will let me have a share of yours...I try to protect you, will you protect me too?

痛

2011-07-06T22:10:00.001+08:00

想说不能说的痛，谁会知道...

jus my day...

2011-06-11T11:46:00.001+08:00

Traveling with an empty stomach under the heavy rain, in look for clinics n doctors, and to learn that they r not opened or closing early, ALONE. sucks... REALLY SUCKS........

2011-05-28T20:12:00.000+08:00

Exam is over...

我不会让自己再掉一滴泪

2011-05-22T03:17:00.001+08:00

会流泪代表你还活着。也代表心也濒临死亡。然后就不会再哭了。

一个人

2011-05-21T10:50:00.001+08:00

一个人的时候，累的时候，要告诉自己：不管怎样都要支撑下去，因为没人能帮你，除了自己。一个人的极限，不仅只这样而已。我死不了！

决定了

2011-04-24T18:09:00.001+08:00

很多人能一想就通，可是很多人怎么想都想不通。是什么能让一个人盲目追求？是什么能让一个人在放与不放之间拉扯？一个人问的问题太多，反而没时间去寻找答案。所以这刻应该是作答的时候了，这样才能往下一个问题迈进。结果怎样，都不必追究，重要的是，这个过程中，我都努力过，开心过。

coincidents do not mean fate...

2011-04-14T17:51:00.001+08:00

真的就是那么凑巧。你从来就不刻意做些什么，可是就是很凑巧的都是些我想要的。很难不感动。可是就是不可以感动，因为这些都不属于我。我只是碰巧遇到了,幸运还是考验我的理智。。。

2011-03-27T12:12:00.001+08:00

背负着这么多责任，很累。

曾经不止一个人说会和我分担。曾经也不止一个人说会一直守着我。

原来曾经不止一个人对我反悔、敷衍、欺骗。

我真的厌倦了甜言蜜语。

我只是一个简单的人。玩弄我即无趣又无聊，不如放过我吧。我够累了，不要每次把我带上天堂后，又毫无预警把我摔下，很痛的。

its a choice.

2011-03-14T02:20:00.001+08:00

How many times have you tried holding on to something but still lost it in the end? How many times have you regretted letting go something which you could hv held on to?Lastly, ask yourself, how many times can you live to ask yourself, have you done the right thing? have you been treasuring the important things in your life? Many times we hear pple saying "he shld know if he likes me", "he shld have done that if he knows me", "why shld I make the first step if he doesn't?" these applies to both guys and gals by the way...Two individual person aint twins.. Even twins couldn't get each others thoughts right sometimes... So what makes you think the other person can guess what u r thinking at times... Especially at the critical point of time... Many times we think "it's his lose" while actually this could mean "I lost it!" Sometimes I really do not understand, why can't pple be more true to themselves and to the world... It nv a wrong thing to be true to pple and themselves... While the only wrong thing is, human have misused the trust given by the pple who treats them truthfully... It's forever a vicious cycle, and it's a never ending one... When we look into the dictionary, haven't we found words like "kind", "love", "true", "right" and "wrong".. which were evolved dunno since how many many centuries or lifetimes ago.. Human are born kind, what have made them changed? When everyone starts to protect themselves with lies and fake masks... this had made me felt some danger as if there are no more safe hiding places... It's tiring to build walls around you, it is a waste of time to think of lies to cover another lie, it's almost meaningless to maintain a relationship which doesn't even truly exist. don't anyone realize that? Perhaps living in a perfect world, won't make A person perfect. Eventually u need a mistake to know what shld be done right. However, we have been wasting time making mistakes and left no more of it to learn that it could have been right... So at the end of the day, what's there left for the mankind or the beasts?

...

2011-02-25T02:23:00.001+08:00

其实到现在，我还不清楚到底发生了什么事。还是什么事也没发生...

trust?

2011-02-21T22:41:00.001+08:00

我从来就坚信我对人真诚是对的，所以从以前到现在，我不设防备。我可以不去相信人，但不可以骗人。但是最近觉得，不管投入或不投入，真心或假意，都不会有人真心待你或珍惜你。以前我都不会觉得受伤，因为我知到错的不是我，是不懂得珍惜我的人。可是觉得灰心，是不是每个人都已经不可信了。我还可不可以做那个无私的自己？

Amnesia

2011-01-30T03:59:00.001+08:00

告诉我，我还可以相信谁，就算我走出来...

反正你也没差我这一个

2011-01-28T14:39:00.000+08:00

反正你也没差我这一个。

我也没差你这一个。可偏偏你就是独一无二。

=.=

隐形人

2011-01-12T08:47:00.002+08:00

This song is so apt for me now... :/

隐形人
作曲:林毅心/黄韵仁
作词:小寒
歌手:燕姿姿

无论你肯或不肯
我都选择等
等到你结束好久
探险的旅程
要是没有寂寞陪衬
没有途中的灰尘
你怎会向往家门

你越是想要诚恳
其实越残忍
伪装不了你对我
漠视的眼神
你不许我听信永恒
不许我迷信我们
不许我奋不顾身

多想化成隐形的人
掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温
好帮你驱走寒冷
看不见也能感受心疼

多想化成隐形的人
隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻

朋友都于心不忍
责备我愚蠢
但他们都回避我
执著的眼神
可知我对爱的虔诚
可知我迷信我们
可知我难得放任

多想化成隐形的人
掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温
好帮你驱走寒冷
'看不见也能感受心疼

多想化成隐形的人
隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻

2011-01-06T16:41:00.003+08:00

古人三大强项：吞剑、胸口碎大石、卖笑

我的三大强项：吞泪、让自己心碎、强颜欢笑

戴佩妮 - 原谅我就是这样的女生
作词:戴佩妮作曲:戴佩妮

我不够认份所以怕再为谁作出牺牲
爱要有天份所以我始终学不会放任
我不够天真不允许我傻傻的等
对自己残忍多残忍我要有分寸

我太过认真所以才相信所谓的永恒
爱让人恍神所以止不住不小心沉沦
我太负责任不允许有太多悔恨
对自己坦诚多坦诚我自有分寸

我只是无辜的人很需要叹气声
有一些文字的吻只留给伤过的人
明知道有些问题没有答案还是要问
原谅我因为我就是这样的女生

2／1

2011-01-03T01:53:00.001+08:00

是什么就是什么，我从来不掩饰。

12/12

2010-12-27T23:17:00.001+08:00

懂得痛的人不应该伤害别人。我懂得保护自己，就不懂得保护自己的心。我不笨，也不是傻瓜，是相信真心没有错。所以，我没有错。就算有下次，我也会一样用尽所有努力。这就是我对感情的态度，痛也要勇敢，要认真。

2010-12-26T16:51:00.002+08:00

If i really need to pour it out, it means my mood is swinging quite badly....

I have never made much mistakes all the while, mistakes in this case, doesn't mean making the wrong choice. I have been rather rational all these while, and being rational, probably just meant "I was not so into it"...

So what had made me got so out of control this time? No decision was being made, rather, I made the move even before weighing whatever I needed to weigh or thinking rationally and ta-da everything became what it was today. So the conclusion is "I am into it", because I always think, true feelings are not supposed to be "weighed and decided", you just had to follow your heart. I don't usually admit feelings so openly because of bad consequences, but this time was too overwhelming that I cannot even control. =/

Then what so bothering about it. neither here nor there, is. Theoretically, when it comes to the matters of the heart, things should be simple. like or not. However, sometimes things just like to complicate itself, leaving an answer not an answer, leaving the involved in suspense. In my perception, things like this are not like a puzzle where everything can be put in placed to form a perfect picture... there's no perfection in such things, and u may only learn to appreciate the imperfections... I am a simple person however, with a little greed... The only thing I ask for is a COMPLETE thing, not a PERFECT thing...

I never expected things to be easy or hard to manage, I only wished being happy is part of the process. However, it has to be properly categorised into the appropriate situation and status...

Sigh....

hmmm

2010-12-13T21:33:00.001+08:00

我还是一个人走在回家的路上。或许已经习惯，所以并不会觉得孤单。每天多了一份期待，反而让我焦虑，因为还不习惯。地球是圆的，始终都在旋转着，路还是得走下去。关键就在于往这个方向走，你会不会快乐。还没看见，那未来的风景是怎样的呢？

2010-09-18T01:28:00.001+08:00

The worst is finally over.. mummy is finally discharging tomorrow!! :)

what can i do...

2010-08-15T18:50:00.001+08:00

Ever since the operation is confirmed, mum's been worrying.. Worrying this and that... And she spelt out her fear, her fear of the pain as well... I always tell her it will be ok, everything will be fine, there's nothing to be worried about.... Father and us will be fine.... And she says to us, "I've been through it before, you don't understand the pain. It's not on u!" Yea.. How could I understand.. If I can I rather bear the pain for her... And now again, she's thinking about brother... Alot of things, alot of thoughts.. All in all, she didn't want her close ones to be far from her... Being traditional, she knew her daughter couldn't do much in terms of fulfilling filial piety, as much as I wan to, I may not be able to do so... I feel helpless for her...

2010-08-15T13:28:00.001+08:00

感情如果需要考虑，那也来的没意义。感情不需要考虑，需要考虑的根本就不算是爱。

2010-08-13T20:22:00.003+08:00

Today spent the whole afternooon visiting doctors at the hospital and clinic... literally from 230pm - 7pm...

Went for my annual check up, but they still wouldnt discharge... haixx whatever...
Went to see doctor again for my cough... my colleagues keep telling me about the mycoplasma thingy and ask me to do a blood test... fine.. since the doctor also told me if I don't get well after eating his med, I shld go back and see him again.. but today was another doctor on duty, so I ask her about the blood test thingy.. She think awhile saying.. I can do away with the test and give you the medicine straight away.. O.O ... yes... cos the test would delay my treatment as well while waiting for the results.. So anyway, she gave me a strong antibiotic... I seriously pray DAMN HARD my cough recover by next week!!! :S

Went to collect my mum's CT scan report with her too... Has already decided to have the surgery for her Hernia. i mean we were discussing about her condition then I secretly saw her eyes turning red.... I know she's afraid... We know this is not a minor surgery and there risk... but doctor said it not high risk for her health condition... but she just suddenly blurted out "我还没娶媳妇、抱孙子嘞"

Ya I really feel sorry for her... not due to her needing for an operation.. but at her age, her children still could not give her a good life without her working for the family... and her fear of not seeing her children settling down... She slogged her whole life for us, even though we are slogging our life now for her, showing her more concern, but I know its not enough.... It's really not enough....

Why are parents able to let us live life freely without worries, yet childrens are always not able to do the same for them? hmmmm....

2010-07-11T21:50:00.000+08:00

Life's been getting quite stagnant... any suggestions to spice it up?!?! :S

2010-07-08T20:12:00.002+08:00

How disappointing it is to realise an ugly truth?
How scary it is to know people around you are actually lying to you?
How upset it is to be treated with lies when you truly treat someone nice?

Hilarious.Funny.What a joke.

2010-07-05T22:12:00.002+08:00

There must be some misunderstanding....

人有时很奇怪，喜欢把不开心或不满意的事往心里塞。要就要，不要就不要，好就好，不好就不好，说出来不好吗？

面对人性，感情，人们就变得好复杂。

sick

2010-07-04T09:38:00.001+08:00

Finally fallen down... Should have gone to the doctor earlier last week.. else I wouldn't have gotten a throat infection.... Why must is it be at this crucial point of time... Stressed....

2010-07-03T23:41:00.000+08:00

What a big disappointment... I would never believe in anything else again...

2010-07-02T22:36:00.003+08:00

The minority can't represent the majority... BUT, the majority doesn't represent the minority either! Everyone is unique in their ways....

Can you recognise him????

and him???

YES! Its the same dog!!! My baby garfield was brown before he had his first shave.... You don't see a brown dog and determine its brown by nature... Under that coat, could lie a charming dog...

Everyone just need a chance to be understood and known....

2010-06-27T10:53:00.002+08:00

Know what kind of guys i hate the most??
Those bastards that simply fools around when he already had a gf who loves him dearly... Men just don't know how to treasure a relationship.... don't how to put in effort to maintain a relationship... what are they treating a girl like? what are they treating a relationship like....

They are just as cheap as how they thought love is!!! :S

2010-06-22T21:09:00.002+08:00

有没有试过毫不犹豫的伤害一个人？
有没有试过毫不怀疑地被伤害？

你忍心吗？

附带条件

2010-06-20T22:38:00.001+08:00

感情是不是都有附带条件？想要拥有幸福的人，是不是都得符合什么标准？每个人的选择是被选择吗？

2010-06-20T09:15:00.002+08:00

My appetite is recovering.. but i'm still losing sleep... for the 6th day...

我真的担心我没有办法。。。所以我很需要一双宽厚有力的肩膀，成熟、稳重，能让我依靠，能帮我一起承担的人。

好累。。

2010-06-18T22:33:00.002+08:00

Been missing sleep and lost my appetite for the whole week...

I do not understand.. till now... anyway.. lets move on...

2010-06-16T18:36:00.003+08:00

Today, while i was heading home on the MRT, I had a chat with my colleague. Her words just shock me out of my shitty life..

Many people could have told me the same thing in a way or another, but her words were so straight to the point that it gave a shot right through my head. ---> O_O

yeah, that's right.

I have realised, somehow, I have lost trust in people, no matter if they are true or not true to me... It brought all the way down to the fact that, I have lack of confidence, I did not dare to take risk, and too much of a perfectionist. I was always afraid of mistakes cos I've already made once, and I seriously do not want to waste time making another.... And my colleague tells me... "..you must always feel you are the best, otherwise who else will? you must not think that other pple are a better choice than you... All of us are on equal grounds, you shouldnt feel you are inferior and not compatible with others... Other party may have qualities better than you, and you will also have qualities that the other party may not have... Relationship is about taking risk, yes you maybe hurt, then so be it! The lessons you learn will only make you stronger....So that's why I don't understand why u cannot get a boyfriend when you have all the qualities..." =S

To my surprise, I have totally zero confidence towards myself, especially in relationship matters, I'm always asking myself, what do I have to deserve this guy, he's so much better than me and sure deserves better... I just keep doubting and doubting myself, the future, the feelings the guys have towards me, and everything and anything... and this is what become of me today....

but.. I have the same mentality. So what if I have been hurt in a relationship, I would still give in the same amount of effort without a doubt, and love like I never had before. hmm that is provided I WILL be in a relationship... Apparently, that is why I took so long and still not attached.... I had learnt.... would there be a new beginning for me??

《给未来的自己》- 梁静茹

站在狂风的天台一望无际
这一座孤独的城市
在天空与高楼交接的尽头
谁追寻空旷的自由

阳光覆满这一刻宁静的我
隔绝了喧嚣和冷漠
川流不息的人游荡在街头
谁能听见谁的寂寞

找一个人惺惺相惜
找一颗心心心相印
在这个宇宙我是独一无二
没人能取代

不管怎样
怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样
至少我很坚强我很坦荡

夜幕笼罩灿烂的一片灯海
多少人多少种无奈
在星光里遗忘昨天的伤害
一觉醒来还有期待

我不放弃爱的勇气
我不怀疑会有真心
我要握住一个最美的梦给未来的自己

一天一天一天推翻一天
坚持的信仰
我会记住自己今天的模样

找一个人惺惺相惜
找一颗心心心相印
抛开过去我想认真去追寻未来的自己
不管怎样
怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样
至少我很坚强我很坦荡

未来的你会懂我的疯狂

Sometimes that's why I love her songs so much... =X

2010-06-14T21:39:00.002+08:00

感动是什么？要相信一个人才能觉得感动。你信他吗？

2010-06-07T20:10:00.002+08:00

三个月没写部落格了。是件好事吧，因为证明日子过很好。

刚好今天觉得有些感慨。刚到家就从妈妈口中得知她一个好友去世的消息。听妈妈说，那位阿姨在我小时候很疼我。可是我并没有很深刻的映像，只记得她温柔和细细的声音，很慈祥的脸，当下也觉得很讶异，难过。今年，她应该才54岁。

知道生命的可贵吗？知道活着有多重要吗？我们的人生里，也许常发生一些可以“重来”的时候。可是我们能重来几次？一次又一次的机会，几时知道会不会有下一次呢？

不是每件事都能重来，不是每件事都能倒带。每个人在某个时候，都会没有明天，那你应该问自己，今天。。。。？

2010-03-25T02:03:00.000+08:00

人生，怎样才算完美？其实人生没有完美。
活到25岁，有遗憾吗？没有是假的。有努力过吗？当然有！
十个人，九个有梦想，八个有踏出第一步，七个努力实现。。

后来六个放弃，一个坚持到底成功了。。

你是当中的那一个？

中学成绩不好，考不上初级学院。到理工学院念书，也没考好成绩念上大学。说努力，没努力。说运气，没运气。我曾经也埋怨自己怎么那么倒霉，事事都不如意。可是经历过，才明白，人生没有运气可言。

念不上大学，就去工作存钱念私塾。有多余的时间和金钱，就学唱歌学弹琴充实自己。幸运的话，还能和好友出国玩。这一切并不是幸运。如果幸运，早考上大学。如果幸运，就不回和前男友分手，也不会有勇气学音乐。这些都是用勇气和努力换来的。工作一整天，还要念书，学音乐，是苦吗？是累没错。累得来，我还有薪金，能拥有妈妈也盼我能取得的大学文凭，更不说在音乐学校认识的朋友和宝贵的表演经验。是，这条路是自己选的。虽然，每天有不少人都听我埋怨累得苦不堪言，但我打从心里快乐地珍惜这一切。因为都是我努力和坚持的成果，而且我还在坚持。

快乐不是别人给的。更不要怨自己没运气。幸福不靠运气赐给你。是要自己的努力，坚持，和有效的方法，才能达成。我相信，有一些人付出得比我更多，所以更成功！我们都能，为什么你不能？

2010-01-16T23:38:00.002+08:00

奇怪~怎么每次更新部落格时都写不开心的事，好像得了忧郁症似的。。:S。。但又有什么不对，的却不开心啊.

今天和妈妈得知了一个坏消息，妈妈常光顾的一间服饰店的老板娘不幸地失去了她的老公。因癌症复发去世。有时听到这些消息时会非常不安，因为妈妈01年时也患过肠癌。

一天一天这样过去，爸妈就一天一天的老去。两老都步入60岁大关了，说些难听的，很害怕不知道是不是有哪天他们会扔下我一个人。想想而已就想掉眼泪，尤其是舅父去世后，更会担心，因为是爸妈那一代的。

当想着这些事时，我常常回想，我是不是能为父母做些什么。父母想的也是我们能安定下来，看着子女健康长大、成家立业，抱抱孙子、享享清福。也许我并不能让他们享清福，但尽可能不让他们留遗憾。我真的希望，他们能看到我开心地唱歌，看到我找到好归宿，也看到我健康的样子。这些看似零零碎碎的事，都是可以让他们开心的事。

2009-12-20T01:51:00.001+08:00

一个人本来就两手空空，何必贪得无厌.已经走了这么远，也算是庆幸的。：）

2009-12-09T00:24:00.002+08:00

一个人的生命结束前的那一刻，到底他会有怎样的感觉？害怕？担心？安心？还是庆幸得到了解脱？

各种习俗对 after death 都有不同说法，可是能 100% 相信吗？面对这些，我可是带着 100% 的好奇和恐惧。别说我胆小，我确实会害怕。不管是哪一天我将离开，还是谁会离开我，我都害怕。是说不上来的恐惧。因为拥有的，不会再拥有。无论是疼你的父母，爱你和你爱的情人，好友姐妹，都不会再有，又或者是不知道会不会再有，到哪里会有。是一种带着遗憾和难过的可怕。

有的人说，那就该好好的珍惜。这是人说的话。就算好好珍惜过，但谁会失去了就不会难过？就算对那个人再怎么好，也会觉得为什么没有对那个人更好，都会舍不得。只要不在了，那永远都会是一个遗憾。

妈妈刚对我说，每当听 “星语心愿”这首歌时，都会想起过世的舅舅。没错，面对死亡，人真的无能为力。

张柏芝
曲/编:金培达词:高雪岚
我要控制我自己
不会让谁看见我哭泣
装作漠不关心你
不愿想起你
怪自己没勇气

心痛得无法呼吸
找不到你留下的痕迹
眼睁睁的看着你
却无能为力
任你消失在世界的尽头

找不到坚强的理由
再也感觉不到你的温柔
告诉我星空在那头
那里是否有尽头

就向流星许个心愿
让你知道我爱你

2009-12-02T20:31:00.002+08:00

今天，妈妈又问了同样的问题。“你说，哥哥以后会不会和我们一起住？不如你去试探试探他啊？”

其实这个问题我早就帮妈妈问过了。可是我要怎么跟妈妈说哥哥其实没打算婚后要和我们住呢？我想爸爸妈妈其实蛮期待的吧。哥哥说过，想先过二人世界，等我以后结了婚再接爸爸妈妈过去和他住。这样，我想我还是赶快嫁出去吧，这样爸爸妈妈就可以跟哥哥住在一起，因为，他们都不想跟我一起住。=(

2009-11-23T23:46:00.002+08:00

“善意的谎言”是一个让人犯罪的机会。虽然每个人说谎时都有他的理由，可惜的是有多少人是在说善意的谎言，又有多少人是处心积虑的骗人。而就算是真的骗人，他们也会用“善意的谎言”来掩饰自己的错。

几恐怖一下！！！*

*ahem*

奇怪，怎么现在都分不清谁在说谎，谁是对还是错了？人心好难猜。下一个被骗的人，应该是我了吧~ 哇哈哈哈哈！！

2009-11-21T01:40:00.003+08:00

原来两个不同性格的人凑在一起，真的没办法相处。

交朋友和交男朋友一样。两个人如果不认同对方的想法，争吵必定难免。

惟有信任、谅解和尊重才能把关系维持。

朋友一开始就知道我不喜欢那种场面，为什么还要我出席。我的答应并非建筑在只是答应你。因为我不知道会有那种场面。在我周围的人都知道，我不喜欢单独和情侣们在一起。为什么总是要我接受这种场面。这是少了谅解和尊重。

然后拒绝了约会，害你被别人责备。你不相信我真的有约。这是少了信任。

匆匆忙忙不尊重我，不谅解地邀了我就答应了人家，结果被指责。这是少了分寸。

你觉得你能接受，别人就能接受。这是多了野蛮。

你责怪我答应了又放你鸽子。那一开始我要怪谁逼我接受你的安排。

最后答应了邀约，还得忍受这种不信任，不尊重，不谅解。这场约铁定难堪。

所以，告诉自己，这是最后一次。对你好，对我也好。最起码不会有更深一层的讨厌。就此打住吧。

2009-11-11T00:42:00.002+08:00

其实，当一个人需要安慰时，他只须要安慰。
一双强而又力的肩膀，胜过满口的大道理和不知道会否有反效果的激将法。

2009-10-30T12:35:00.002+08:00

If something is too faraway from you, would you still remember it?
For some people, it would be casted aside for convenience sake.
For some people, they would need reminder to remember.
For some people, they do not even bother to remember to forget it.

But...

For some people they would remember every single detail in their HEART.

Sometimes, we do things that touches others.
Sometimes, the others do things that touches us.

Every good thing happens so long as you do it with your heart. I do.

2009-10-21T00:09:00.002+08:00

再完美的事，总会有瑕疵。
再快乐的时候，总会带一点哀伤。

世界上，果真没有完美。那为什么还有“完美”这两个字呢？

完美是种奢求。有的人能拥有，有的人却只能等着希望落空。

我没办法让别人的希望成真，我只希望能拥有足够的力量，接住从“希望高楼”所坠下的人。

妈妈，我会在。

2009-10-04T21:16:00.002+08:00

原来，我不习惯热闹。

2009-10-01T19:09:00.002+08:00

今天我站在起点A。如果明天我走到了B点，我是不是进步了？
可是如果明天我在B点，起点A被割除了，B点会变成起点。
所以我明天还是会在起点。原来一切没有进步，我还在原点。

不要紧！！我会用半年的时间从起点起步，向前走。

2009-10-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

我何时也能学着不去计较，不去理会，不去思考，不去埋怨。
只是随性的闭上眼睛，在整个喧闹的城市里，仔细聆听和寻找一丝宁静。

也许现在的我已经把这个本能压制在某个角落。那天还在问经理，“为什么现在的我变得那么悍”？

记得以前担任这份工作时，还是个懵懂的小女孩，21 岁也没到，傻乎乎的。和别人说话，都小小声的，有什么不公平和委屈的事情发生时，只会说“哦”，“对不起”，“没关系”。可是现在的我，在面对自己利益，并不再萎缩。“不过”，“可是”，“那么”，“你怎么可以”，都常挂在嘴边，极力争取着我要的东西。相对的，以前遇到挫折会泪眼汪汪，对破裂的感情痛哭流涕。现在，遇到挫折我会解决，遇到不开心我比以前更看的开，甚至有时还看得太开了。

我说“悍”，是颗“心”，被烈“日”晒“干”了吗？一颗心，在重重压力，不开心的情况下，会变得强悍一点，就为了能保护自己，不让自己受伤。

就比如，某天你认识了几个人，渐渐变得相熟，常常和他们在一起玩闹。可是偏偏他们当你似有似无，要就和你一起，不爱就不叫你。面对这种在别人眼里毫不重要的感觉，是不是应该保护自己，更珍惜自己，不应该被当成可有可无的东西？还是随波逐流，当个“理所当然”？

又或者，哪一天，你会选择通融别人，让他们占便宜，取不到资料，交不了差, 被责备？还是，极力争取，完成自己的工作？

要当个有“心”人？还是当个有“伤心”的人？好像两者都不到岸。是不是要有“心”，就一定要有“心被伤”的准备？

如果要保护自己的“心”，不是应该先要有颗“心”吗？但是拥有了这颗“心”，我是不是也有能力去保护它？如果保护不了，我始终还是会再失去它。这是个恶性循环。

我永远都会拥有，又失去，再拥有，再失去。可能，我不懂得怎么保护自己，也保护别人。

2009-09-26T17:12:00.003+08:00

今天吃了午饭，昏昏欲睡。结果一趟在床上，就睡过了头，上音乐课迟到了。我以为睡了一觉就没事了，可是在课堂上还是差一点就哭了出来。还好忍住了。。。在巴士上也忍不住失落起来，一路眼睛就湿湿的，直到到家为止。

我不了解，为什么受影响的人是我？为什么每次生气，难过的人是我？为什么低头的人是我？为什么让步的人是我？为什么心软的人也是我？！为什么我不可以强悍一点？

每次我让步的时候，别人就若无其事，当我是弱者。我就觉得自己是个大笨蛋！对谁都一样，反正就是没有人感激。

真的是好笨！

2009-09-26T09:47:00.002+08:00

最坏就是我，最好我不存在！！！反正我靠不住，没有贡献，没有我你们好可以多活几年呢！！你们都不需要我，我还真的是占地方呢！！！！！！！

是呀！多么努力开朗，还不是被你一击就垮。对阿！我现在痛不欲生，泪流满面, 很高兴吧！证明你对我错，是不是？！证明你高高在上，是不是？！

是！你赢了！！！！！！！！！！！！！

2009-09-23T22:41:00.001+08:00

开始微笑吧，女孩。
闭上眼睛，深呼吸。。。笑。=)

2009-09-23T11:38:00.001+08:00

谢谢大家的关心，我没事了！^^)

2009-09-22T21:54:00.002+08:00

我并没有痛不欲生，
我并没有泪流满面，
我并没有苛求
我并没有非常渴望
我并不需要别人特别谅解
我并不需要别人特别可怜
我更不需要别人刻意怜悯
我更不需要别人刻意安慰

说真的，如果我想安慰别人，我会带着安慰的笑认真的给予鼓励的话。我想认真想着事情的人，不会想要怦然大笑，毕竟认真的思考不应该被当成笑话。想要真正安慰别人，就应该为他人处身设想，但只有真正懂得那种感受的人才体会得到，才懂得怎么安慰，而并不是三言两语说一些为了安慰别人而说的话，然后替她一笑值之，当没事发生。如果不懂，就不要装懂，沉默比起来会更加贴心，也算是给别人的一份尊重。

不是每个人都一样，也许这就是我。

2009-09-21T23:08:00.006+08:00

今天约了朋友到Marina Barrage野餐，然而天不作美，居然下起了毛毛雨。不过我任性地坚持要去一趟。这一趟七人行，总算过了愉快的两个小时。我们玩着终极密码，把食物都吃光了。

原本心情还是很愉快，收拾完东西准备回家了。当我沿着伸展桥走到出口时，往回一瞄，发现三位好姐妹都跟着自己携带的男伴肩并肩走在一起，唯有我自己一个人安静地走在前面。我以为，只要不是一个人和一对情侣外出，应该就不会觉得自己是颗电灯泡，可是当时我确实还是多出来的一个人。

伸展桥很长、很长。一眼放去，前面好辽阔。我最爱Marina Barrage，是因为它能让我有种被天空覆盖着的舒服感觉。可是这个时候，我不但感觉不到那种舒服安心的感觉，反而四周的夜灯映照出来那种浪漫的气氛，让我觉得好寂寞，天空大得让我觉得好孤独。那伸展桥好像走也走不完。。。

虽然一个人很久，身边的朋友大多都有了伴，可是我从来没有觉得自己很寂寞，最多只是觉得无聊，懒散。今天我第一次真正的面对这种那么孤独的感觉，那么突如其来，完全招架不住！！很难受。。。当时恨不得马上就飞回家，对着电脑还能快乐一些~

也许今天的毛毛雨，就是暗示着我不应该去的。我的执著，有能力压制我朋友的唠叨，有能力让我得到我要的，可是始终无法控制自己的情绪。我真的不应该去的，或许在我还是单身的一天，我都不会再在晚上去那里。我不喜欢，很讨厌，也很恐怖！也许那里很美，风很凉、很舒服，但是这种浪漫的地方，不属于我。不属于我的，我不要。。。

2009-09-20T16:38:00.002+08:00

Quit FB games
resume my keyboard lessons
focus on studies
any free time will be spent on practising keyboard, assignments, or just out of my home!!

半年之后再做评估！加油！！！！

2009-08-23T01:46:00.001+08:00

今天天气特别的冷..

2009-07-25T10:37:00.002+08:00

Why can't i enjoy myself... why must i do such chores every week... why must I wake up so early every saturday when everyone else is sleeping in.. why do i have to go market every week... why must i be a maid every week... why must I look like an auntie every week... why can't I live my life like any other modern ladies... Why does no one believe I'm going on a diet.. Why does my mum still make me eat so much.. why doesn't my mum supports and help me to slim down... why is people laughing at me having a tummy when i am exercising hard?!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY

I HATE MARETING DAY.... I still do believe even in future my brother marries his gf, i will still be doing such things.. I would never believe she would do what I am doing for my family.. which daughter in law will?!!! if given a chance, i would not... at least i will not go wet market early in the morning, squeezing with sweaty aunties in that small trolley, knocking people here and there, letting those bo liao uncle see here see there... I would just go NTUC or Shengsiong to settle all my grocery which my mum DISLIKE!

I really hate it.. i hate to see myself doing such things every wkend when i can arrange to go sentosa with my fren, or just slp in every saturday... and i fi don't go with my mum, she would threw tandrums and insist on going herself when my brother can driver herself there and back... Why she can do all these to me, but not to my brother?!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Everything is so unfair. UNFAIR!!! I WANT A LIFE!!!!

2009-06-19T00:39:00.002+08:00

Finally, it's friday tomorrow... time seemed to pass alittle fast this week... probably cos i had a short week! haha yes, i purposely took leave on Monday to meet up with Deon and Shauna.. I had wanted to take leave and rest.. but i PURPOSELY took Monday.. *touched or not.. hehehe*

Happy times pass quickly.. don't u agree? After several sessions of KTV and feasting myself with pork knuckles, sashimi, desserts and seoul garden... I'm back to the same spot again... God knows what had happen to this little Libra here... the balance are not working well at all... *poUt*.... pls put them back in place quickly k.... I wanna be the chirpy berry again... i feel really terrible in this state... as if i'm all tied up... ARgHHHH

2009-06-17T23:13:00.003+08:00

Today.. I bought my last item from GSS.. I hOPE SO.. DAMN EX CAN... "-.-

Ta-Da!! Jimmy Liao purse (Turn Left, Turn Right series).. Together with it, I bought the same series card holder... This series has got both guy's pic and girl's pic. I bought a "girl" for wallet and "guy" for the card holder... Plus a Jimmy Liao wallet for mama.. hehe she likes it ma.. :X

All together cost me $154. Not considered ex, cos it's almost the same price as brands like Pierre Cardin or GUESS. So.. ok la.. it has safekeep value too! =P

But on the other hand, while i am spending hard... I see some other folks are suffering hard... Old folks sleeping at bus stops. Disabled young man (literally without arms) begging on streets. Or disabled old folks selling toiletrees.. Just read news that in Taiwan, a man who just got out of jail, delibrately steal just to go back to jail for free meals.

~>.<~

sometimes, ask ourselves. How other people live in dirt, while we are splurging on luxuries..? How people feel helpless while we still complain that your bf/gf did not reply yr sms? We can feel fortunate too. We are alot better.

haix

2009-06-13T00:12:00.002+08:00

Haix... Yesterday I was feeling a little light, and today I felt emo already.. Dunno why.... Perhaps that's the trait of Libra? *shrugS*...

Mama reprimanded me for flying her aeroplane tmr... but.. I really have some things to do... but i can't tell her... =( sorry mama, pls forgive me... :S

2009-06-12T00:54:00.002+08:00

WOoHOo!!.. I'm back to myself again!!! wahahhaa.. I know i have been emo the past few days, really felt damn sianz and lethargic... but as Friday is getting closer, I seemed to feel lighter and LIGHTER~~~ especially am going on leave on monday!!! yaY!!!!

执着的人永远不知道，眼前看不到的不代表不存在，眼前所看到的也并不代表是全世界。要看到全部，必须懂得路不是只有一条直线，也有分叉路口。明白选择哪一条路才对，明白何时回头。

2009-06-09T22:54:00.002+08:00

Recently I have had great times with my frens and colleagues... Sometimes I'm grateful to them becos I always get to do what I like with them, and they don't hesitate to do them with me!!!!! :D just like going to the zoo, ktvs, play mahjong, or even to go marche to have my pork knuckle!! Haha if it was some other people, I might have to wait for ages before a time is fixed and a ktv room is booked, I might have to wait for the zoo to demolished before we go and have a last look, or I might have to wait for all the pigs to slim down before they bear to eat such oily food... Lolllll to be precise, I thank those folks who have been accomodating my schedules and giving in to my moodswings and keeping me accompany... I really thank u guys alot though I nv spell them out...

(to the frens, classmates, teachers, colleagues and the WLNY gang who really kept my life up the beat recently. Love ya guys!!!!!! *hearts*)

Just some thoughts

2009-06-05T00:13:00.002+08:00

I'm not talking about office and colleagues working relationship neither am i talking about office politics.. I'm talking about pure human relationships..

I simply do not understand or even be disgusted at people who make frens, or continue a relationship out of greed, or just to get something out of the person... especially in a BGR... For example... you already broke up with yr bf/gf, you are sure that you will not accept him/her again, but yet, you r still behaving as closely as if you 2 are still tgt, just because, you jolly well know that he/she still likes you, and is still willing to put in effort for you, even if you don't like her as a partner anymore, you are just greedy for the feeling of being loved and the companionship, leading that person on, giving the wrong signal that they still have chance to patch back with you... and when you found a new bf/gf, you just shun the guy/girl away...

Is that right? Any idea that the person will be even more hurt? Why is there such people who are so selfish... why can't they make things clear?? I know there are chances that either party still likes the person even if they broke up with them, and treats them still the same, willing to give in all they have like usual, but doesnt mean the other party has to accept right?? Don't they have any principles at all?? Do they just accept any good things that people give?? Don't they know how to reject???

Sometime I really pity those who gives in blindly and yet get nothing in return. I know Love shld be unconditional, but it's really sadz to see those people being "useD". Well, who hasn't been blinded by love.. I have. For those who are, they shall not be labelled as stupid or silly, for they have the right to like those pple they want. But it is sinful for those who leads people on and use them to get comfort, companionship and just want to have a person to treat them nice. I felt its pretty disgusting.

If you don't love the person anymore, why not let them go.

2009-06-03T00:25:00.004+08:00

Black dress from spree for work.. I didnt know it was detailed with pearls until i receive them!! But because of it I love this dress more!! haha... I think it's looks presentable enough for work. ;)

($20 +)

Casual dress from spree... bought it cos of it's lacey and flora details!!! keke looks so sweet... :P Just nice for casual wear..

($20 +)

Has been wanting to replace my shoes and slippers!! I have been wearing the same pair of flats for marketing and outings cos my casual shoes are all spoilt!! Today while waiting for JieMin to pass me my Twilight series novels, I shopped at Central for 1 hour! There was a "Level One Concept" section where the shops are similar to the "Level One" at Fareast! But the whole section was all hidden inside at a corner.. :S there was no crowd at all.. nice to shop!! There were a few shops' clothes are all going under $20!! so tempted to buy more but unfortunately, nothing catches my eye.. :S

Nevertheless, it's GSS!!!! Wahahhaha, It's time to spend!! :X

Went into this shoe shop among the "Level One" named Rush. Bought a simple slipper with plastic crystals. to my surprise, the crystals looks quite bright.. ;)

($16)

At the same shop, I also bought a pair of casual sandals.. haha was attracted to the "apple" decor on the shoes... :P

($18.40 aft disc. U.P $25) <--- I think the shop is having huge discount.. :P

This is the phone that I have used it for just a few months... I love the black~ ;)

Happy Shopping~~~~ lalala~

2009-05-23T11:51:00.002+08:00

All i wanted, is to draw a clear line.. Sometimes I really dread the internet... It seems so hard to shake a person off totally... No matter how hard you wanted this person to get out of your sight, or you wanted to get out of his sight.. it's just so difficult..

This person really equals to a PEST to me... Imagine him as a cockroach... Dirty and disgusting... Everyone tries to keep their place clean and tries ways to prevent the stupid cockroach from invading their clean and happy place.. but yet this stupid cockroach still can find his own way to print his dirty footsteps in your house... Damn irritating right?!!! Yes, I don't dare to kill a cockroach, but that does not mean I can't bear to kill it or even forgive it for contaminating my territory... Having being so frustrated all the more don't even mean anything!, It is just outright FRUSTRATING. Its the same as when a housewife meets a cockroach!

It's already been so many years... How many upteen times must I make myself clear... OUT OF MY LIFE means OUT OF MY LIFE... Why bother to even search for me to add me in FACEBOOK... I want nothing from you. and you will get nothing out of me... haha I understand many people add friends to earn points in games applications.. but i'm sorry.... I can never make myself add someone I extremelly dislike even for the sake of getting anything beneficial from him.. I have too much backbone to tell me that I do not need you... and neither should I help you to gain anything...

PLEASE WAKE UP will you! I'm helping you already... Please do not let anymore people know that you are thickening your skin to addyour ex gf back in your friend list even though you know she totally dislike you... you have forgotten the humiliating post i posted on your friendster telling u to shoo away?!! Or would you want any of your gf to know how thick skin you r to stick to someone who hates you like a cockroach?! Even if you are so thick skin, spare some thoughts for your gf....

OH, i remembered~ He does not know how to spare thoughts for others. Oh well.. that explains why... *roll eyes*

Oh well... this whole sacarstic post is just to remind somebody, to STOP adding me... Don't even try to lay your dirty foot or toe nail (:S) into the first tile of my territory, or my LIFE. I do not want to have anything more to do with you. I KNOW YOU READ THIS.

2009-05-19T23:39:00.001+08:00

我的生活变得很透明，也惨淡地像一张白纸。

2009-05-08T19:39:00.001+08:00

I'm tired...

2009-03-20T23:13:00.003+08:00

haix.. am feeling super lethargic.... =.= I totally have no motivation to continue with my assignments.. I have no intention to try at all... "-.-

I always hate doing things alone... much less to say studying alone... I used to have so much hope and motivation when my fren is studying with me. Well, I still ended up "fighting" alone when she quit due to health reasons... This feeling totally sucks.. I hate tough things... I hate to do them alone.. Without any help, without any accompaniment.. I simply feel exasperating... Nothing i can do to set my brain to think...

I'm feeling so down.

2009-03-19T10:24:00.002+08:00

曾几何时，我也有过这样的任性。到底是别人不了解我、是我不了解别人，还是把两个人放在同一个空间就是个错？现在以旁观者的身份看着别人，总是有不少的领悟。那就是，要多花时间了解身边的人。我们都是倔强的人，永远不会为别人的不敏感而妥协。但别人，也不会为我们的倔强妥协。所以，我们都别妥协。我们接受吧。=)

2009-02-21T12:06:00.000+08:00

lying on the bed, msning and blogging on my mobile phone, with my ipod beside me playing my favourite songs... seemed a life that i've always looked forward to.. i'm kind of satisfied with what i'm having now... I can fulfil myself with material things without the help of anyone else... however not my heart... hahaha i'm not hinting anything.. just a thought... but not all fits the bill to occupy my heart... I do not like to lead people on, neither can I be so straight forward to hurt someone else.. but what and how am I suppose to do anything?? can I be a little selfish? I thank those who were nice to me, but can't reciprocate.. here's a selfish song on my part: 下雨天

“被爱的人不用道歉″

2009-02-16T00:31:00.002+08:00

Yoz.... well... it seems like I don't find the "passion" in updating my blog anymore... hahaha nevertheless, just some updates...

Haix... I'm so freaking angry with Singtel now... I've been going down to their shop for upteen times and I'm still unable to get my stuff done!!! Well it's not because they don't provide the service at their store, but they are just goddamn, freaking inflexible!!!!!!

After the very unhappy experience the other time at their Hello! Shop (which i cannot blame, because i found out that, they need electronic signatures) and with their tele-Customer Service Officer (this is super exasperating!!), I thought I could finish up my number porting with them smoothly. End up, when I went to the Singtel shop ytd at VivoCity, I was asked to go to the Hello! shop instead!! it goes:-

Me: Hi, do you provide number porting service here? I wanna do it for my mum and me.
Service Staff: Yes, you can. Which plan are you looking at to sign up?
Me: Oh, I already did my online purchase and signed a line.
Service Staff: Oh, for that then you will have to go to our Hello! Shop. The nearest will be the Bugis Branch..

WTH!!!! I'm freaking... no.. FREAKED OUT!!!! I'm at their store, they HAVE the service, yet CANNOT do it for me?!!!! What's the difference of going here and there !!!!! Zzzzz It's still number porting alright?!!! OMG... I really cannot stand the inflexibility...

That's all for the Singtel thingy....

Recently, have been super busy with alot of things, especially since my unisim class starts. T.T
Stand up trainings, studies, classes, music lessons, daily admin... All are choking my life!!! yes!! CHOKING!!! I'm feeling so damn tired and "hydrated".... T.T... tomorrow I'm going to conduct another training again!!! fortunately, it's only for half a day, but alot of other back logs to clear!!! Hopefully i can finish up tomorrow with extensive overtime, and then take leave on tuesday to sleep in... I need a good rest, I have not been sleeping well lately. Just yesterday, I went to see a Sin Seh (Chinese Doc). He said I tend to get agitated and work up easily, because my body system is getting hay-wired... T.T. He says that, all female-related illness all begins with all the internal organs getting unhealthy. That explains why I had my existing problem... =S... Believe it or not, but I do felt irritable lately. The slightest thing can get me angry... hahaha.. OOps.. Anyway, he gave me some medicine to take, and asked me to temporary quit eating seafoods and raw stuff, spicy and sour/acidic stuff...at least for the next 6 months.. DAMN!! There goes my favourite Sashimi and seafoods!!! ARgHHHHH... For my health, I will do just that!!! -.-

That's all for now... *sNorEzzz*

2009-02-03T23:31:00.003+08:00

Puke... today went through so much hassle just to get 2 handphones from singtel at a cheaper promo price... online promo and in-store promotional price are different can!! oh gosh... the $$ difference all together is $138!!! Tell me, would you choose to go through the hassles??!! Well i would.. save $$ is more important... so i still went ahead to order the phones online on Singtel website..

You all maybe thinking, "WoW~ must be some nice funky phones la... so worth the PAIN"... NO~~~~~ The fact is, just 2 old models!!! but very cheap.. hahhaa

For myself, Samsung i780 for only $38!!!! (2 yrs with singtel) (instore promo $148)

For my mum, SE W910i for $100.. (2 yrs cheapest plan...If not it's $0!!! )(In-store promo $128)

all in all $138... I bought the hp for my mum as her birthday gift... hehehe.... Both phones will arrive next wed!!! Which after that I will have to go down to the dealer or hello shop to port my M1 numbers... haixx... I think I can do it online one, but I dun wan anymore hiccups, so i choose the traditional procedure... "-.-

ALright.. finally settled everything by tonight.. tired day... time to slp.. yawnxxx

2009-02-03T00:54:00.002+08:00

Everyone has a sinful mouth.... A mouth that only knows how to criticise/comment/pick on/ scold/ find fault, etc, on others but not on ourselves...

Every word you said, has it went thru the millions and billions brain cells in your brain before coming out from your mouth? sometimes I am so pissed with people talking without using their EQs.... It's themselves who is impatient, bias and extreme, it's not the fault of the person being scolded by you lorz.... Put yrself into the other party's shoes, If you think you can still smile after being scolded like that, I really go down on my knees and give you 3 Kowtows.. "-.-... Ridiculous.

做人要给别人留点余地。说话要有点口德且尊重别人.

Even if you dun like a person, you have no rights to treat people like dirt. What makes you more noble than them? If you wan pple to treat you with respect, treat others with respect as well... you are not the only one living in this world. If you can vie for air with others, others can also vie with you.. then what makes you stand higher than someone else?

*roll eyes*

2009-01-23T01:11:00.003+08:00

I suddenly derived happiness in packing my room...
I found alot of missing stuff... I found my $40+ ring in the midst DUST... @.@"
I thrown away alot of unused stuff
I gotten alot of brand new stuff.. I will start using them...
I cleared away alot of memories. Stagnant memories that are not worth keeping...
I really think my bro is slacking too much...
I need rest
I need a shoulder
I need a clone
I need someone
I need entertainment
I need more time
I need more money
I need more space
I need everything more
I need to Sing...

There~ I found myself..

2009-01-21T21:57:00.002+08:00

Suddenly felt no Chinese New Yr mood at all... WEll.. I'm sorry if I damped anyone's festive mood...

Just came back from a fren's wake.. yes. MY FREN's.... Li Kaiyan.. It's been some time since we last met.. and i did not expect the next time will be at his wake, and for the last time... =S

Can say that I met him cause of music, or through music.. I think it was very llong time ago... so long that I can't remember anymore... I remembered him as a very fun and cheerful guy... always there when I needed advise... However, I wasn't a very good fren then, I often did not pay attention to him, and did not kept very good contact with him...

Some time ago, I got to know that he got lymphoma cancer last yr, he's only 26 then.. and he passed away few days ago on 18 Jan, at 27. It's a mixed feelings... felt very pity for a young good man to leave us just like that, and on the other hand, super regret did not cherish this fren when he was around... When I got to know he was ill, I was super confident that he will recover, until i got to know the bad news, I still wasn't able to accept that. It's a pain to see a fren leave u like that... though we were not close, but we met each other anyway. and it was too fast isn't it...

Haix.. at least we got to see each other for the last time b4 his cremation tmr...

RIP dear fren, I know you will live well in Heaven. =)

2009-01-16T22:31:00.002+08:00

ARghhhh~~ frustrating...

Not that I'm stopping my bro to get a gf... not that I'm not happy that my bro is getting a gf.. and DEFINITELY NOT becos I'm jealous that my bro is attached...

But he is just TOO MUCH.

New yr is coming soon.. I am being nagged EVERYDAY to pack my room... 90% of the time that my mum sees me, she's been asking me to pack my room... I took leave in dec to clear my room... I pushed away all the meet ups with my frens to pack my room... After work I also come back and pack... Keep packing and packing, packed till I feel unwell, feel like vomitting, I AM STILL PACKING MY ROOM. ANd then?? My bro is always coming home late cos he went out with his gf... OMG LO!!!! EVERYDAY!!!!

I don't say he did not pack the room tgt, he did.. only for a few hrs and he went out!!!! It's ok.. I also packed for a few hrs and slack, but I was left alone at home to let my mum nAG lo!!!!! Whenever I say i wanna go out or not, she would nag and nag and nag and nag at me.... Why bro can go out I cannot huh?!!!! wth.... When i requested to go out tmr, I HAVE TO FINISH PACKING MY STUFF BY TONIGHT LO!!! and I DID!!! and my bro? he can go wherever he wan and come back slack.. I see what he is going to do with his wardrobe tmr~~~!!! ANd SO WHAT? Ultimately if my mum nags again, It's Gonna be ME aGaIn~~~~

DAMN IRRITATING LO~~!!!!!

Not to mention packing matters... Everytime ask him to fetch me home from outside, EVERYTIME he rejects..cos he need to send his gf home, cos he is out with his gf... Even if I lost my way on a dark road with construction sites!! Even if I am SOOO far away from home without any bus to take and spend $$ take cab home... EVERYTIME!!! AM SO ANGRY... Have gf then have gf la.. Home is not home anymore meh?!!!! WTH~ spend some time at home to have dinner, help to clean house for new year also so difficult?? come on lo.. I know it's "honeymoon" period, but the gf wun run away right??!!! Some more I am the SISTER leh... just throw me go die like that... if anything happens to me, I see he got tears to cry or not lo!!!!

ARGhhh Damn irritating... If i ever have a bf, I definitely wun do this lo... at the very basic, I will put my family in the fers place!!! hmmph~~!!

2009-01-13T00:20:00.002+08:00

Haixx... What's wrong with our magnetic fields... what's the unknown forces that making us becoming this way... @.@" omg~~~

My boss is on 2 wks MC till 21 Jan. My sup is on honeymoon till 20 Jan... SO from now till 19 Jan. It's going to be just ME.... Omggggg.. I cannot wait for them to come back and do things.. I must get it done on my own!!!!! I can! AI ZAI!!!!! wOOtT!!!

haix... had a little unhappiness with my frens... over a bday gift for a fren of ours... end up the main coordinator left the half done job to us. due to she felt being accused and unhappy?

Can i say i dunno what's going on? I felt like a fool helping them becos they don't tell me the whole story... and when things changed, everything was washed out of her hands and up to me to do anything i wan? I understand that miscommunications happens all around, but its the attitude to it... why say harsh things to people? and why just throw a half done job to pple to clear up the mess? I helped them to clear the misunderstandings, If u cannot accept the fact that it IS a misunderstanding and keep on thinking pple is accusing u, who can u blamE?

I already made myself clear, to everyone involve, who is thinking about what, who did not say things clearly and caused the misunderstandings... hoping that U will try to do something about it... but end up the last msg i got was "then get someone else to do it".... But why ain't u the one doing it, since u was the one initiated it? Should I blame the one who created the misunderstanding for not telling me the whole story and therefore let u being questioned by me harshly? Or shld u blame yrself for hecking care and just throw me an "i dunno" and felt being wronged again and not doing anything about it and ask me to "get someone else to do it"?

I say U r responsible when u went ard coordinating, I say u r being wronged when pple say u disrespect them. However, U r also irresponsible to throw us a halfdone job in a fit of anger, irresponsible to just ask us to make watsoever changes we like, irresponsible to say "i dunno" when there were more complicated changes, irresponsible in the sense, u din even wanna cared when u r the one initiated the whole thing...

What made me angry is not becos of miscommunications, is the attitude that u shown throughout the whole incident. I made a point to find out all the misunderstandings, I dun even blame the guy who actually caused the miscommunications, becos he apologized, and he's willing to look at the whole picture and admit the mistake that he assumed something. But u threw us the job saying "thanks" but said "i dunno" when things happened.

Where is your apology?

2009-01-10T09:56:00.002+08:00

I just DON'T understand.... why does a person HAVE TO force another one to do things that they don't like... why does a person HAVE TO present him/herself as being so pitiful that as if the whole world is being unfair to them, as if they are leading the worse life in the universe... Zzzz.... Why can't they analyse the situation and make a rational decision rather than pushing themselves to the limits or even over the limits to do something that they are not able to do... JUST to let the other pple felt guilty cos they did not help or not able to help.... WHY!!!! Why is there such saddist on Earth... "-.- NO means NO. YES means YES. CAN means CAN. CANNOT means CANNOT... Is everything is one's mind SOOOOO Grey that they cannot different such clear cut things anymore? Or is it that they will see Black as White, and White as Black... I just don't understand why they have to be so stubborn and irrational....

I don't understand my mum.

We are bonded, but she can't feel my helplessness. And I cannot understand why she acts that way... I cannot understand why can't she just let go of her stubborn-ness for a little.. I cannot understand why she always insist on something that we don't agree on. I don't understand.

2009-01-10T09:10:00.002+08:00

Seriously... recently have not been sleeping well.. =(

I wonder why.... Ever since I came back from the xmas chalet, I have not been sleeping well.. :S I will wake in the middle of the night a few times and doze off again.. and end up damn tiring the next day... and its no matter how early or late i slps, it happens.. omg~~~ "-.- Can I ever just slp in peace... Without me to worry about anything...

2009-01-08T13:01:00.002+08:00

My maid had successfully damaged my 4th piece of NEW clothes...............

This time round she ironed a white wax line on my new pants worn only for 2 timeS? i'm utterly disppointed and upset.. i was even thinking of wearing it for New Year... gosH... In fact in the morning when i found out i still wasn't so angry, but i was looking at it just now, it's like very obvious lo!!! even my colleague said it is quite obvious... damn angry la~~~~~~ It's NEW lo.. and I love it so much lo... GOSHHHH.. can she stop spoiling my new clothessss~~~ Need money to buy can!!!!! "T.T

2008-12-20T19:14:00.002+08:00

人总是这样，渴望一些得不到的，嫌弃一些一直都在身边的。
到底是，得不到的永远最美，还是我们不懂的珍惜。又或许是人类太犯贱了。

最近真的发生好多事，自己都好累。也不知道该从何说起。也不就是“你爱我，我不爱你”的问题。但是一个这样简单的问题，却好不容易才平息下来。我知道我又伤了一个人的心，对不起。猜想，你们又会嘀咕我要求过高，又或者会念我为什么不试试看。

有时我很坚持自己的立场，我就是希望能遇到我喜欢的男生。就算有别的人很爱很爱我，若我对他没感觉，恐怕也得对他说抱歉。是啊~这辈子就别想嫁了是不是~~　那如果要我嫁给一个我不喜欢的人，也不就等于要我痛苦一辈子吗，那个人也应该会很辛苦吧，道理是一样的。

我们每天都会遇见不同的人，就算有十个人同时停留在你的人生，你是否能不去想寻找比这十个人好的第十一个对象？这是人心不足的举例，往往都会觉得“外国的月亮比较圆，外头一定有更好的”。 Then where's the limit? 或许，这就得看你对那一个最有感觉吧。

爱人不一定痛苦，被爱也不一定幸福。找到自己最喜欢，也最喜欢自己的才最重要。再长的等待也是值得，也最珍贵。

2008-12-13T10:34:00.002+08:00

aRGHHH what a bad saturday.. "-.-

First thing i found out after I come home from market is that My favourite White Tee-Shirt was stained by some neighbours when my clothes was hanged out!!! And suay suay ONLY only my T-shirt was stained lo... WTH... It's Really my favourite can... All of you know lor, how many T-shirts do I own only... And this is the one that I really like wearing out lo.. ARGHHHHHHHH.. I just hope that the stain is not obvious when dried... It's not about the price, but the tee shirt is the last pc of white color they have.. Dunno is I'm being over sensitive or I'm just being super unlucky recently... ever since my new maid come 3 mths ago.. My clothes iS being damaged ONE BY ONE... Fers, she ironed a HOLE in my new dress after wearing for only 1 time.. Then, she also stained my red skirt which i also only worn for one time... I admit that the skirt's colour runs, but is the way she hanged it, that's y the other parts of the skirt is stained!! And nOW!! And other times, I see the way she hangs my clothes is like... #$^#&%%$%#.. She shouldnt hanging wet cotton cloths straight dangling as it will lengthen or over stretch the clothes! She shld not hang the clothes half folding on hangers into the cupboard, it will occupy more space and crumple up newly ironed clothes!!! HAIXXXXXXXXXXx

Yea.. ask me to do it myself right.... Thanks lo...

Next, Meals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still has not recover from flu yet.. so i did not wan to eat out, my mum initally like insist me to eat outside food cos my maid will be too busy sorting out the fresh food we bought from market... WHERE GOT LIKE THAT ONE!!! My health is not impt than maid sorting out food huh?!!!! Wa lau nvm.. So i say, fine i will cook noodles myself and eat it plainly... my mum refused, so get my maid to cook.. and yea? MY MAID had done cooking NOW, AT 10.48AM!!! and expect me to eat my lunch AS MY BREAKFAST AT 10.48AM!!!! Gosh... its not the fault of my maid.. my mum thought i had to take my med, but why had she need to cook lunch now? I can just cook noodles~, she said my bro needs to eat ltr too.. Then i say I wait till later then eat with my bro lo.. SHe finds it late and think i HAD TO EAT MED NOWWWWWWWW... Then she say I'm hard to please...

I said I can wait.. I said I can cook noodles myself.. Is that hard to pleaSE? Or Is she not thoughtful enouGh? And my maid just do as she says..Well.. even without my mum's instruction.. she used to give me lunch at 11am also.. T.T I had to wait till 7pm then got dinner to eat leh..... WA LAUUUUU *faIntZ*....

2008-11-24T18:05:00.004+08:00

Some songs I like listening to recently..

水 (Imeem song no.7)
作曲:方树梁傅佩嘉
作词:黄伟文
编曲:james ting 方树梁
监制:崔炎德 james ting

为了爱你个性一早全面的洗去
能忍耐到
随便你营造我圆或四方的身躯
做你的顺眼的仁慈的爱侣
我似你杯中的暖水
照你意思改变下去
只要共你间中仍然可一对
柔情必须似水
才能够隐藏眼泪
才能容纳承受你刺来的锥
痛在心底里仍然能平静似水
覆盖在面上的顾虑
长期供给榨取
仍含笑包容恕罪
刀锋一过毫无痕迹惹负累
要是能令你晚些回去做不到
但我都统统吞进去

就当女性赋有坚忍原谅的天性
由天做证
其实你瞒住我陪着那位的温馨
二百位撞过的途人可作证
就恨自己不长眼睛
有对耳都不太愿听
枉费汗血搏取情人的心领
柔情必须似水
才能够隐藏眼泪
才能容纳承受你刺下来的锥
痛在心底里仍然能平静似水
覆盖在面上的顾虑
长期供给榨取
仍含笑包容恕罪
刀锋一过毫无痕迹惹负累
要是能令你晚些回去做不到
但我都统统吞进去

一跤栽进水里
一生和你一对
我有时也恐惧
这挣扎总会累
其实我知这感情已死去
无聊是我仍然想听到尸体讲句
再不应爱下去
为寄望冲一桶冷水
柔情必须似水
才能够隐藏眼泪
才能容纳承受你刺下来的锥
痛在心底里
仍然能平静似水
覆盖在面上的顾虑
长期供给榨取
仍含笑包容恕罪
刀锋一过毫无痕迹惹负累
最后船渡若已经离去任得我
就这么安躺于这里

错了再错-张栋梁 (imeem song no.4)

退到了绝境再退
破碎到不能破碎
能挽回什么你就不肯说
我只能猜疑却都错
泪水灌溉这伤悲
绝望是你赐给的安慰
为何你说慌我却受惩罚
你不如就用刀刺下
我可以痛了再痛
你可以错了再错
不甘心不闪躲
只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你换着活
你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破

爱和痛彼此纠结
悲和我无法分解
厌倦的疲累成了一片黑
伤痛都已无法消灭
泪水滋润着泪水
背叛是你另一种慰藉
完美的借口泪无辜留下
你不如用乱箭射吧
我可以痛了再痛
你可以错了再错
不甘心不闪躲
只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你换着活
你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破

即使我头也不回
这悲剧猛向我追
情愿你全部摧毁
别留着燎原的火堆
给你的自由将我吞没
给我的爱像一根绳索
你放手却困住了我

我可以痛了再痛
你可以错了再错
不甘心不闪躲
全为了失真的承诺
我转身让你换着活
你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破
为什么连谎言你也不说